Thoughts on this post begin a week ago. Paul commented on how Gage (his son) holds his hands in the correct position when typing. I told him it is probably because Gage has computer classes in school each week. Then the conversation jumped to how Gage (in public school) takes computer classes, but has not even begun to learn cursive writing. On the other hand, Tyler, who is a grade less than Gage but in a conservative Christian school, has no clue about the proper hand placement for the keyboard and yet has impeccable cursive writing. Is one better than the other? I truly have no idea.
A recent post on my friend Cindy's blog talked about the same thing. I talked to a friend who home schools here about it yesterday, and she agreed that it is a dying art. She has stopped doing handwriting with her kids. Gone are the days of beautiful flowing penmanship. We email and text and leave voicemail. Things that might actually get sent via "snail mail" are most often typed out as well. I am no better. I sent out many "Christmas cards" just this last week :) and the only thing hand written on them was the address. I have beautiful cursive penmanship, but pretty much the only time I use it is for my signature.
There is a big part of me that is grieved by this passage of a skill. It is great that a child halfway through second grade can type proficiently. But are we doing our children a disservice by impersalizing them so much? Will my daughter ever get a hand written love note from her would-be husband? Or will they even care about such things?! Will my grandchildren be able to understand my writing if I so choose to hand write them a note? This electronic age has brought so many new opportunities, but has it also "dumbed" us down in the process?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
A divorced girl sees "Fireproof"
Up here in the liberal Northeast, we did not have many theaters that showed the movie "Fireproof." The few that did, showed them at crazy times or they were just too far away for us to get to. Therefore, Paul and I ended up waiting until it came out on dvd. We rented it this weekend and snuggled up to watch it Saturday evening.
I have been told by so many people that it is a fabulous movie and that all couples should see it. I would agree that it is a wonderful movie. Well done! There is a good balance with some humor tossed in, and I have always been a softie for Kirk Cameron. And how cool is it that he was really kissing his real life wife in the end?!! I knew the premise of the movie. I knew about the porn addiction and the 40 day love dare.
But I was completely unprepared for how raw my emotions still are about these issues. I mean, really. It has been two years. I am happily remarried to the most amazing man. We have our stresses, just like everyone, but I really have so much more to be thankful for than to complain about!
The tears started to form just a few minutes in, and then I just sobbed and sobbed my way through it. I completely lost it somewhere around when Catherine tells Caleb how can he expect her to respect him when there is nothing honorable about what he was just looking at. I really fell apart and even said "I don't think I can finish this" at the part where Caleb puts on this beautiful candle lit dinner and Catherine completely rejects it. There were so many memories and scars being ripped open. We did finish the movie. And when it was over, Paul just held me and let me cry until all the tears were gone. I completely soaked the front of his shirt! No, I had never officially done a 40 love dare. I know that I was not perfect and made mistakes as well. But I lived those things to my ex every day. I loved him with all that I could, and he still threw me away.
As Paul gently stroked my hair and wiped my tears, he reminded me that it was God that my ex chose to throw away. All the pain welled up again as I said, "I know, but he still threw me away, too." He so gently reminded me that all those things are past now, and how thankful he is to have the ministry of caring for me and the kids. He knows what a precious jewel we are and is amazed that God chose him to care for us. Paul has told me these things before, but they meant so much that night. I know that when we took our vows nearly four months ago and we said "til death do us part" that he took it seriously. Paul married me, yes, because he loves me; but also because he believes the Lord called him to this life. God called him to minister love to four children who need a Godly man and a badly scarred woman who needs to know she is not just someone else's reject.
In short, "Fireproof" is a wonderful movie for almost everyone to see! I am glad I saw it. I just probably won't want to see it again for a while. I think I have cried enough!!!
I have been told by so many people that it is a fabulous movie and that all couples should see it. I would agree that it is a wonderful movie. Well done! There is a good balance with some humor tossed in, and I have always been a softie for Kirk Cameron. And how cool is it that he was really kissing his real life wife in the end?!! I knew the premise of the movie. I knew about the porn addiction and the 40 day love dare.
But I was completely unprepared for how raw my emotions still are about these issues. I mean, really. It has been two years. I am happily remarried to the most amazing man. We have our stresses, just like everyone, but I really have so much more to be thankful for than to complain about!
The tears started to form just a few minutes in, and then I just sobbed and sobbed my way through it. I completely lost it somewhere around when Catherine tells Caleb how can he expect her to respect him when there is nothing honorable about what he was just looking at. I really fell apart and even said "I don't think I can finish this" at the part where Caleb puts on this beautiful candle lit dinner and Catherine completely rejects it. There were so many memories and scars being ripped open. We did finish the movie. And when it was over, Paul just held me and let me cry until all the tears were gone. I completely soaked the front of his shirt! No, I had never officially done a 40 love dare. I know that I was not perfect and made mistakes as well. But I lived those things to my ex every day. I loved him with all that I could, and he still threw me away.
As Paul gently stroked my hair and wiped my tears, he reminded me that it was God that my ex chose to throw away. All the pain welled up again as I said, "I know, but he still threw me away, too." He so gently reminded me that all those things are past now, and how thankful he is to have the ministry of caring for me and the kids. He knows what a precious jewel we are and is amazed that God chose him to care for us. Paul has told me these things before, but they meant so much that night. I know that when we took our vows nearly four months ago and we said "til death do us part" that he took it seriously. Paul married me, yes, because he loves me; but also because he believes the Lord called him to this life. God called him to minister love to four children who need a Godly man and a badly scarred woman who needs to know she is not just someone else's reject.
In short, "Fireproof" is a wonderful movie for almost everyone to see! I am glad I saw it. I just probably won't want to see it again for a while. I think I have cried enough!!!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Christmas curve ball.... and more curve balls.... and It is well with my soul!
This post has been forming in my mind for months now! I must give credit where it is due- the "Christmas curve ball" title is stolen from a radio program title I heard around Christmas! But yesterday as I was reading two blogs of dear friends going through intense struggles, I knew it was time to share my own. And then the words just started flowing in my mind as I listened last night to a musical concert at our church to dedicate our new baby grand piano that was just given to us. Our pastor's sister in law has a degree in music ped.... whatever that big word is... she is a FABULOUS piano player! She pounded out songs such as "Joshua fit de battle" and "And can it be." But she ended the night with the most beautiful rendition of "It is well" that I have ever heard. I was choking back the tears and I had my title for this blog!
I have been married for three and a half months now and all would be pure bliss if we could just live on a desert island and have no contact with the outside world!!! Ok, that may be a bit extreme! But let me start back at last fall. I will keep things very broad as to not slander a certain ex husband, but my child support income began to slowly fade away last Sept. By the end of Nov. when we ended up in court, he was behind $2,000. He changed his jobs last year significantly and the court awarded him a reduction in the monthly amount he pays by $1,100. The arrearage was ordered to be paid back at $100 per month. I was sinking financially very fast and hard. God's timing is so wonderful, because Paul's income helped a lot. But not enough to keep us out of serious trouble. We did the proverbial "robbing Peter to pay Paul" thing for the fall months, but by Dec. we knew we were not going to be able to maintain things as they are. I was awarded the house in my divorce, but it also came with a huge mortgage. I never had a problem paying it before because the child support covered it. Now, the housing market has crashed, our income has crashed, and we are in the forclosure process. But.... it is well with my soul.... now.
In the beginning, I did not know all my options, and I thought we would be moving by Feb. I struggled... hard. I love stability. I do not want to have the kids moving all the time. I also love my home. I have painted and decorated every square in of it and made it mine. The kids have a huge yard to play in. I planted my first garden last year and want to expand it this year. When Paul moved in, we redid the master bedroom and made it ours. I cried... so much. And then I soul searched and found that all these years I have misplaced my security by putting it in my house instead of in the Lord first and formost, and with those who live with me. I finally surrendered my will to His and gave this house back to my Lord. I wish that I could say that some big miracle happened and the forclosure has gone away. It hasn't yet. But so many small miracles have happened...
It is not a done deal that we will have to move. Because the markets have crashed so bad, the house is worth about 30,000 less than I owe. Thus, the bank really does not want to forclose because they will loose a lot. So I am waiting to hear if they can redo the terms, whatever that will mean! So we wait.
Paul also started a new job with higher pay. In an economy where people are getting laid off just about every day, we had a job practically laid in Paul's lap. He now works at the same nursing home that I do and is the food service director. He enjoys it very much and feels like he can finally fully spread his wings and fly, professionally speaking.
I mentioned more curve balls. I had not been feeling well for a good chunk of Dec. Not keep me in bed all day sick, just not quite right. Then I noticed a lump in my armpit. I really freaked out and went right in to the dr. He checked me over and told me he wanted to run some blood tests. It was probably nothing, but it could be leukemia. The next day and a half was tourteruos. After all that I have been through, now I might have cancer, too?!!!! Again, I cried and cried. Paul comforted me as best as he could, but all I could think of was that I was going to die and leave him and the kids alone! Oh, how our minds do run wild! But again, through prayer, I surrendered my sickness to whatever the Lord will have for me.
I can "happily" report I am cancer free, but I do have mono. I was given a work note lasting through at least the end of Feb. While it has been wonderful to not have to work, I still have five children and a home to run. Paul has been amazing for me. He has done so much to help and lovingly chides me when I try to do too much. If you know anything about mono, the biggest obsticle is fatigue. I sleep so much, and if I do not sleep, then I get very weak. I also have these peircing headaches. They do seem to be getting better, though.
I do need to begin to wrap this up!!! God is blessing us in so many ways. Things with my ex are very smooth right now. He has a new girl friend that actually seems to be good for him. He is more agreeable lately and he has agreed to pay the arrearage child support in a lump sum with his taxes. The kids are doing well. They have bonded great with Paul. Bonding with Paul's son has been a bit tougher as he is not with us all the time. But is getting better.
My heart aches for my dear friends in Rockford right now. May you draw strength from our wonderful Savior. I have been through so much, and yet there is so much more sorrow all around me.
I want to close with a paraphrase from my friend Tina's blog. The morning that I was getting my test results back, I looked at her blog and found her entry for the day. It was entitled something like "thanking God for the fleas." It told the story of how Corrie Ten Boom and her sister were reading the Bible while in that horrible concentration camp. The read "in everything give thanks." Corrie's sister said that it meant they should be thankful even for the fleas. As the story later revealed, it was because the room had fleas so badly, that the guards never came in and they were able to hold open Bible studies there.
Yes, I must thank God for my "fleas" and know that the "testing of my faith brings patience."
I have been married for three and a half months now and all would be pure bliss if we could just live on a desert island and have no contact with the outside world!!! Ok, that may be a bit extreme! But let me start back at last fall. I will keep things very broad as to not slander a certain ex husband, but my child support income began to slowly fade away last Sept. By the end of Nov. when we ended up in court, he was behind $2,000. He changed his jobs last year significantly and the court awarded him a reduction in the monthly amount he pays by $1,100. The arrearage was ordered to be paid back at $100 per month. I was sinking financially very fast and hard. God's timing is so wonderful, because Paul's income helped a lot. But not enough to keep us out of serious trouble. We did the proverbial "robbing Peter to pay Paul" thing for the fall months, but by Dec. we knew we were not going to be able to maintain things as they are. I was awarded the house in my divorce, but it also came with a huge mortgage. I never had a problem paying it before because the child support covered it. Now, the housing market has crashed, our income has crashed, and we are in the forclosure process. But.... it is well with my soul.... now.
In the beginning, I did not know all my options, and I thought we would be moving by Feb. I struggled... hard. I love stability. I do not want to have the kids moving all the time. I also love my home. I have painted and decorated every square in of it and made it mine. The kids have a huge yard to play in. I planted my first garden last year and want to expand it this year. When Paul moved in, we redid the master bedroom and made it ours. I cried... so much. And then I soul searched and found that all these years I have misplaced my security by putting it in my house instead of in the Lord first and formost, and with those who live with me. I finally surrendered my will to His and gave this house back to my Lord. I wish that I could say that some big miracle happened and the forclosure has gone away. It hasn't yet. But so many small miracles have happened...
It is not a done deal that we will have to move. Because the markets have crashed so bad, the house is worth about 30,000 less than I owe. Thus, the bank really does not want to forclose because they will loose a lot. So I am waiting to hear if they can redo the terms, whatever that will mean! So we wait.
Paul also started a new job with higher pay. In an economy where people are getting laid off just about every day, we had a job practically laid in Paul's lap. He now works at the same nursing home that I do and is the food service director. He enjoys it very much and feels like he can finally fully spread his wings and fly, professionally speaking.
I mentioned more curve balls. I had not been feeling well for a good chunk of Dec. Not keep me in bed all day sick, just not quite right. Then I noticed a lump in my armpit. I really freaked out and went right in to the dr. He checked me over and told me he wanted to run some blood tests. It was probably nothing, but it could be leukemia. The next day and a half was tourteruos. After all that I have been through, now I might have cancer, too?!!!! Again, I cried and cried. Paul comforted me as best as he could, but all I could think of was that I was going to die and leave him and the kids alone! Oh, how our minds do run wild! But again, through prayer, I surrendered my sickness to whatever the Lord will have for me.
I can "happily" report I am cancer free, but I do have mono. I was given a work note lasting through at least the end of Feb. While it has been wonderful to not have to work, I still have five children and a home to run. Paul has been amazing for me. He has done so much to help and lovingly chides me when I try to do too much. If you know anything about mono, the biggest obsticle is fatigue. I sleep so much, and if I do not sleep, then I get very weak. I also have these peircing headaches. They do seem to be getting better, though.
I do need to begin to wrap this up!!! God is blessing us in so many ways. Things with my ex are very smooth right now. He has a new girl friend that actually seems to be good for him. He is more agreeable lately and he has agreed to pay the arrearage child support in a lump sum with his taxes. The kids are doing well. They have bonded great with Paul. Bonding with Paul's son has been a bit tougher as he is not with us all the time. But is getting better.
My heart aches for my dear friends in Rockford right now. May you draw strength from our wonderful Savior. I have been through so much, and yet there is so much more sorrow all around me.
I want to close with a paraphrase from my friend Tina's blog. The morning that I was getting my test results back, I looked at her blog and found her entry for the day. It was entitled something like "thanking God for the fleas." It told the story of how Corrie Ten Boom and her sister were reading the Bible while in that horrible concentration camp. The read "in everything give thanks." Corrie's sister said that it meant they should be thankful even for the fleas. As the story later revealed, it was because the room had fleas so badly, that the guards never came in and they were able to hold open Bible studies there.
Yes, I must thank God for my "fleas" and know that the "testing of my faith brings patience."
Monday, December 15, 2008
A tender moment
Oh, how I have longed to blog! I do miss it! Life is soooooo full right now I can hardly keep everything straight. Yes, married life is WONDERFUL!!!!! We have each other's quirks that we are adjusting to, but we just smile at each other and stand in awe that God has placed us together. I have so much to tell everyone, I promise to make a new year's resolution to blog more.
But I just have to share this story with all of you. Bryce is my four year old. Bryce is adorably cute and everyone just loves him. We can go to a restaurant and at least one person will say how cute he is and ask to take him home! I find myself being very protective of Bryce. I almost lost him during labor and he has struggled with speech difficulties. He has been teased a few times about how he says certain words, and wow, do the mother claws come out! He is doing well, but he still struggles with getting his feeling out.
We have all been sick this past week. Horrible colds and coughs. Bryce stayed home from school on Thurs. so his teacher sent his papers home with his older brother. The ice storm hit as well as my work schedule, so I did not get around to checking the school bags until Sat. night. In with the school papers Bryce's teacher wrote him a note. It said they all hoped he would get better soon and they missed his beautiful smile. Bryce was very quite and had his head down very low. Then I realized his face was getting red, so I gently pulled his face up to look at mine. That is when I noticed he had tears streaming down his face. I asked him what was wrong, and he held up his hands as if to say "I have no idea what is happening right now!" but he just said in his sweet voice, "I just like it so much. They like my beau-ful mile." I promptly dissolved into tears and wrapped him in my arms. A few minutes later he came back to me holding his note. Again his eyes were full of tears and he asked me if we could hang it by his bed.
To see such raw emotion from your child is so precious. My baby is growing up.
But I just have to share this story with all of you. Bryce is my four year old. Bryce is adorably cute and everyone just loves him. We can go to a restaurant and at least one person will say how cute he is and ask to take him home! I find myself being very protective of Bryce. I almost lost him during labor and he has struggled with speech difficulties. He has been teased a few times about how he says certain words, and wow, do the mother claws come out! He is doing well, but he still struggles with getting his feeling out.
We have all been sick this past week. Horrible colds and coughs. Bryce stayed home from school on Thurs. so his teacher sent his papers home with his older brother. The ice storm hit as well as my work schedule, so I did not get around to checking the school bags until Sat. night. In with the school papers Bryce's teacher wrote him a note. It said they all hoped he would get better soon and they missed his beautiful smile. Bryce was very quite and had his head down very low. Then I realized his face was getting red, so I gently pulled his face up to look at mine. That is when I noticed he had tears streaming down his face. I asked him what was wrong, and he held up his hands as if to say "I have no idea what is happening right now!" but he just said in his sweet voice, "I just like it so much. They like my beau-ful mile." I promptly dissolved into tears and wrapped him in my arms. A few minutes later he came back to me holding his note. Again his eyes were full of tears and he asked me if we could hang it by his bed.
To see such raw emotion from your child is so precious. My baby is growing up.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Great link
Hat tip to my friend Cindy for posting some great thoughts about the election. She gave a great link to someone I have never heard of, but this woman gave a very different point of view on the election. I do not agree with her on some points, but most she is right on!
Excerpt from Still His Girl :
I cried with joy and gratitude to see our country move beyond insane racial prejudice and recognize that all men are created equal.
I cried with sadness to see that our country has not yet moved beyond insane belief that all babies are not created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights-like the right to life.
I rejoiced that little black children FINALLY see someone who resembles them become President and know that it can happen for them as well.
I mourned that little children of all different colors will continue to be aborted, can never dream of being President, and that our future President, good man that he is, will not protect them.
I winced that a woman who raised a pioneering man did not live to see him make history.
I winced that a woman who raised a brave man did not get to see him elected.
I marveled that our country transfers power so easily and peacefully.
I marveled that ANYONE would want the job of President.
I admired a gracious concession speech by a true hero.
Excerpt from Still His Girl :
I cried with joy and gratitude to see our country move beyond insane racial prejudice and recognize that all men are created equal.
I cried with sadness to see that our country has not yet moved beyond insane belief that all babies are not created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights-like the right to life.
I rejoiced that little black children FINALLY see someone who resembles them become President and know that it can happen for them as well.
I mourned that little children of all different colors will continue to be aborted, can never dream of being President, and that our future President, good man that he is, will not protect them.
I winced that a woman who raised a pioneering man did not live to see him make history.
I winced that a woman who raised a brave man did not get to see him elected.
I marveled that our country transfers power so easily and peacefully.
I marveled that ANYONE would want the job of President.
I admired a gracious concession speech by a true hero.
This laugh brought to you by Tyler
I have to write these down before I forget and they are just too precious to keep to myself!
Monday night Kristen plopped down on our bed complaining about the bathroom being in use (there seems to always be a line for the bathroom these days!!) Paul joked with her to "take a number." Tyler pipes up ever so innocently, "Can I please have a number too?" We laughed so hard as Paul tried to explain what the phrase "take a number" really means!!
But that is not even the best part!!!
Our family devotions that night was about Noah and the building of the ark. Our habit for putting the kids to bed is for Paul and I to pray with each kid as we tuck them in. Sometimes they want to pray as well, and we let them. Tyler wanted to pray. (Have I mentioned that Tyler wants to be a preacher when he grows up)?
The prayer that ensued was much more of a sermon. Complete with voice getting forceful and everything. He was preaching away about the bad people that Noah had to be with and how they did not love God. I was literally biting my shirt to control the laughs, but after about five minutes I had to stop him. He could have gone on all night!! Again, Paul found himself trying to explain things to Tyler. He just looked at us blankly when Paul said that prayer is thanking God for things and asking His help for needs!
Oh, how I love Tyler's heart for the Lord!! It is my prayer he will never loose his zeal-- watch out 15 or so years from now!!
Monday night Kristen plopped down on our bed complaining about the bathroom being in use (there seems to always be a line for the bathroom these days!!) Paul joked with her to "take a number." Tyler pipes up ever so innocently, "Can I please have a number too?" We laughed so hard as Paul tried to explain what the phrase "take a number" really means!!
But that is not even the best part!!!
Our family devotions that night was about Noah and the building of the ark. Our habit for putting the kids to bed is for Paul and I to pray with each kid as we tuck them in. Sometimes they want to pray as well, and we let them. Tyler wanted to pray. (Have I mentioned that Tyler wants to be a preacher when he grows up)?
The prayer that ensued was much more of a sermon. Complete with voice getting forceful and everything. He was preaching away about the bad people that Noah had to be with and how they did not love God. I was literally biting my shirt to control the laughs, but after about five minutes I had to stop him. He could have gone on all night!! Again, Paul found himself trying to explain things to Tyler. He just looked at us blankly when Paul said that prayer is thanking God for things and asking His help for needs!
Oh, how I love Tyler's heart for the Lord!! It is my prayer he will never loose his zeal-- watch out 15 or so years from now!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
A new day has dawned.....
Here is a beautiful slide show of pictures from our wedding. My friend, Stacy, took all the pics and set them to music. I could not have asked for a better day. The weeks leading up to the wedding were full of challenges and learning experiences that I will blog about later, but for now, sit back and enjoy the show!! The song is "If you could see what I see" by Geoff Moore. This song has become very special to us as Paul has helped me so much to overcome my insecurities with the past and begin to see myself the way others see me.
We honeymooned until Wed. in the mountains of northern New Hampshire at a beautiful bed and breakfast called the Snowflake Inn. We could not have asked for a better start to our new life. I must echo the words of the apostle Paul in Eph. "Exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think..." The last 19 months (and much longer, really) have been so hard. But my God is faithful and has carried me and my precious little ones through. I truly did not understand what I was missing all these years!
We honeymooned until Wed. in the mountains of northern New Hampshire at a beautiful bed and breakfast called the Snowflake Inn. We could not have asked for a better start to our new life. I must echo the words of the apostle Paul in Eph. "Exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think..." The last 19 months (and much longer, really) have been so hard. But my God is faithful and has carried me and my precious little ones through. I truly did not understand what I was missing all these years!
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