Mt. Washington Resort

As promised, I am recapping Paul and my trip to the Mt. Washington Resort. This was a business trip for Paul, but I got to come along. The best part is that it just so happened to fall on our first anniversary. I took over 60 pics, but I will only share a few here. Maybe someday I will learn to do one of those cool slide shows!

We arrived at the resort on Sun. afternoon. We had the day to unpack and explore before dinner at 7 PM. Monday AM consisted of a couple of seminars that I also got to attend. Monday PM was our "spoiling" time with Paul playing a round of golf on a top class course, and I spend a couple of hours in the spa area with a massage and royal treatment. Monday night we had a formal dinner that lasted over two hours! Tuesday is when I really saw my husband in "work mode." He was really wheeling and dealing to get the best prices and foods for our residents! I also tasted more food than I ever thought possible to consume. Literally hundreds of vendors lined every possible space and all begged you to try "just a bit" of their stuff. I literally said to Paul as we were leaving "just roll me out of here please!"

Overall, it was a fabulous time and a well needed break from the hustle and bustle of kids and life. We really had some great time together as a couple as well.



The pics all posted backward in chronological order, so here is Paul and I on Tues. night formal dinner. Taken on one of the many balconies.

Paul's assistant, Chris and his wife, Bobbi-Jo and I at the dinner Mon. night



The back of the resort. This picture really does not give justice to the beauty of the place.



This was as best as I could fit the whole place in one shot. As you can see, the resort is HUGE! I took this picture standing on a beautiful little bridge over looking a stream that runs through the resort.



They have a heated year-round outdoor pool! It is a bit of a walk from the main exit, so the sidewalk is heated!!! I still don't think you would get me out there in the middle of winter!



A view from one of the balconies. The golf course is in the foreground. Yes, the mountains are snow capped. When we woke Monday, it was a bright sunny day but only 22 degrees! It did warm up into the 40s, but still a bit chilly for golf!



When we arrived on Sunday, it was raining. A couple of hours later, the rain cleared and we enjoyed the most beautiful sunset-- for just a few minutes. It was dark with in ten minutes of this picture!



A view of our dining room.



The resort was built in 1902, and they have kept much of the original decor. This is really the elevator that we used. We had an operator that Paul nicknamed "Lerch." He really looked like he was straight out of the Adams Family!!!



Our room. We had just a basic room with no fireplace or jacuzzi-- still a whopping $446 per night!! Good thing we were not paying for it!



The biggest bed we have ever slept in!

So many things to write about...

Life is sooooooo full right now and so much has happened!!! Forgive me, I do believe this will be a long post!

I think I will start with the most recent and work back, since that seems to be the order of importance. My heart is full of sadness and joy at the passing of a beloved woman in our church. Helen was an older woman, but in seemingly good health. We arrived at church yesterday morning to the news of her sudden passing Sat. night. She was our flower lady and garden guru. I called her many times to talk garden stuff, and she made the flower arrangements for my wedding last year. What a fun afternoon we had that day! Since the flower arrangement for yesterday was all made up and ready to go, Helen's daughter, who does not attend our church, made sure that it was there for services. Helen would not want us to make such a fuss over her, but she will be greatly missed. And since we know she is with Jesus, my tears are really quite selfish, huh?!

We had a big court day on Friday for Paul. He has been battling his ex on some issues for about five months now, and it finally seems to be over. There still may be one more hearing on some contempt charges against her, but she has resolved the issues, so they may be dropped. As with all things relating to ex spouses, you win some and you lose some. The biggest things we won are in the non- tangible department. Paul's ex-wife has bullied him for many years. That power is no longer there. She was explicitly put in her place by the GAL (guardian at lit em). This was a big victory for us since the GAL's initial report was very biased against Paul and our faith. We were heading down a road that was going to put our faith on trial-- a road we so desperately did not wish to travel. We just wanted equal time with Gage-- something Paul had until we got married last year. The ex wife was painting us as religious nuts who do not really live normal lives. Paul had to see a "non-biased" counselor. (Our pastor,who holds a doctorate in theology and has been counseling people for over 20 years , didn't count as he is not really a "trained" professional!!!) The counselor's question to Paul was "why are you here ?" So once the GAL was satisfied that we were not total nut cases and that Paul lives a very stable life, she relaxed he views a lot and on Friday, looked strait at Gage's mom and said, "Paul is a very loving father who is doing his best at being a good father. Gage wants to be with his father, and Paul has every right to be in Gage's life just as much as you do, and is an equal to you." This was so big for us, as the mom had tried to tell Paul that he has no legal rights to Gage at all. We knew that was not true, but it was great to have the GAL back us up!

In addition to this, we won in areas of getting Gage for all three of the family camping trips that we do with the church through the year. We also got the tax exemption every other year. (yes, Paul has been paying child support for the last five years and never received any tax benefit for it!) Gage also gets to go to the summer camp, the Wilds of New England. She fought this since it is Christian in nature. But after the GAL questioned about what kind of fun things do they do there, everyone agreed it is good! We also won on getting Gage put on Paul's insurance. This may seem like a downer, but for us, it doesn't cost anything more to add one more kid, and it insures us that we will not get stuck with any more uninsured medical bills -- long story behind that one! She fought this one like crazy, not really sure why other than she just didn't want to give up the control.

We lost on the child support issue. We were hoping to get it reduced, since we have Gage almost just as much time as she does and we provide just as much for him as she does. The judge ruled against that, most likely since she makes much less money than Paul does. We also lost on the equal time thing. We currently have Gage two days one week and four days the next week. We wanted to even it out to three days, and four days. The judge said for the sake of the child, the schedule needs to remain unchanged, but that we do have joint custody and all equal rights.

What a relief to have this done! Since Paul and I have been married, we have been in battles first with my ex and then with his. We are praying that we can now have a bit of peace. Things seem ok with my side for now, so looks good! God is good, and so many things have been laid to rest. We have been made stronger through these trials, and what is probably bigger, our love for each other has grown stronger through them!

So I still have not gotten to the blow-by-blow detail of our trip to the Mt Washington Resort, but that will have to be at a later time. I have laundry waiting!!!

Is he kind?

I visited yesterday for a bit with a cousin (technically, one of the ex's cousins, but we all know my relationship with his family!) She was visiting from Chicago, and it had been quite some time since I had seen her. We got talking about my marriage to Paul. As I have thought about her words, it made me realize they were "blog-worthy"!!

She asked me, "Just one question-- is he kind to you?" My instant response was "Yes!" and I gave her several examples that popped into my head. As I have thought about it some this morning, I have realized just how much Paul really is just what I have needed. This cousin knew the man that my ex had become. She understood how I was treated, and was afraid I might choose that same thing again.

But as my first anniversary is only just a few weeks away, I can reflect back on our first year together. Just as any newly married couple, we have had many adjustments to make. We have had some additional challenges that come with being a blended family. But through any disagreements we may have had, the one thing that I could very resoundly say is that Paul has never been unkind to me. He can be stubborn and insensitive at times, (let's be honest ladies, is there any of you out there who can't say that about your man?!) but he is never unkind. Paul has never called me a derogatory name or made fun of me at all. He has never raised his voice at me or embarrassed me in any way.

Quite the opposite. He listens to what I have to say, really listens. He has carried me through sickness, and court battles, financial struggles, and child rearing trials. We are far from perfect, but have a good life. He cares for my children just like they were his own. He tucks them into bed and prays with each one every night. I love that I can roll over in the early morning hours and find my husband sitting in the recliner with his coffee in one hand and his Bible on his lap. I love it that he intentionally finishes with enough time to spare to come back and curl up with me for a few minutes before we have to start our rat race of a day. Then he takes a few minutes and prays with me. I can not tell you how special these few minutes each day have become to me. I told him this just recently. I told him that it reassures me that he is constantly choosing me. He knows my flaws and chooses to love me anyway.

Well, so I guess I wrote my anniversary post a bit early, but that's ok! I will have plenty to share then-- we just so happen to get to spend our first anniversary at probably the most prestigious resort in New Hampshire-- all completely paid for because it is also a business trip. I will have to post pics and tell all about it!

When Saten tempts me to despair....

I know.... it has been forever since I have blogged and most of you will probably think that I have given up on it! I really haven't-- life is just so busy that when I do actually have free time, I am just too tired to really think, and well, a blog like this takes thinking!!!

With school starting next week and the summer quickly drawing to a close, I step back and realize that it has been a difficult summer on some levels. Paul and I are doing great-- growing more in love every day. But my dad got sick right as school was ending. (BTW, he is doing remarkably well considering the level of stroke he had!) There has been multiple battles with both exes through the summer, but mainly with Paul's ex. Pray for us this week as he goes to court on Wed. I have learned all about the GAL (having a guardian at lit em) process. We have learned to take meticulous notes about the smallest of conversations. There is also the ongoing battle relating to the settling of Paul's father's estate. (You might remember that his dad died a year ago this month). We have learned much about the world of probate. Pray for this as well for Paul has a court hearing next week that will hopefully draw that to a close.

Probably my biggest trial of the summer has been with my stepson. He has struggled to find his place in our new family. So many people told me when I got remarried, I gained a new son. I began trying to retrain myself to think and talk of five children, not four. I tried my hardest to treat him just as I do my own children. But instead of my relationship with him growing closer, it is doing just the opposite. There are so many factors that contribute to this and I will not get into details here. But he is struggling. There is much upheaval in his life, and he is showing a lot of anger, and I get to be the lucky target the anger lands on!!! This week, he told said some things to his mom about me, to which she in turn called Paul fuming. These things stung me to the core. I struggled through it. I wanted to hate this kid right back. I wanted to reject him the same way he was rejecting me. But I knew I could not do that. I care, yes love, this little boy too much. He is the flesh and blood of the man I love. And ultimately, isn't Christ our example? Doesn't he love us still even when we do not love Him back?

This struggle, coupled together with multiple other events of the summer has left me feeling very much like a failure of a mom. I have battled this ever since I entered motherhood. I gain victory over it for a time, and then fall.... I have spent the better part of the summer beating myself up mentally for my shortcomings as a mom. Unfortunately, my down times manifest itself in a very defensive manner. A recent situation caused my pastor to lovingly pull me aside and chide me for it. Naturally, being the sensitive person that I am, I fell apart. I made things right with the person that I needed to, but continued to berate myself for days after.

My title for this blog is actually a line from a song. Our church choir has been practicing a song for many months for our big anniversary day. Today was finally the big day and we sung it well. The song is "Before the Throne of God Above." I had sung the song so many times, the words just flowed from me with out much thought. But when Pastor asked us to all sing it as a congregation, I had only the words printed on a paper in front of me. It was the second verse that almost jumped off the page and bit me!

"When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within. Upward I look and see Him there-- who made an end to all my sin."

It was all I could do to keep my composure. Despair. That is where I have been the last couple of days. I have allowed my failings to beat me down and then it crushed me. You know how you can read something a hundred times without it really meaning anything, and then one day you read it and it is like a light bulb goes on? That happened for me today! Those closest to me keep reassuring me I am a very good and capable mom, and I know this logically in my head. But I can magnify the smallest failure and before I know it, I am the worst mom that has ever lived!

This is Satan at work on me. I have sung that song probably hundreds of times, but never fully got the "upward I look and see Him there--who made an end to all my sin!"

As the choir made our way back to our seats with the congregation singing our church favorite "Wonderful Grace of Jesus" I silently prayed for forgiveness for allowing Satan to tempt me in this way. I allowed my joy to be robbed for the last couple of days. I cried and beat myself to a pulp for my short comings when Christ has already forgiven them. I just had to look up!!

Being defensive will probably be a life long battle of mine. I will gain victory again, and I am sure I will fail again. But instead of staying down, I hope next time, I will remember this wonderful song, and not allow Satan to have my joy.

Healing tears

It has been a LONG week! Last sun. night I received the news that my father had suffered a stroke and was not doing well. Things like this never hit a a good time, but this week seemed to be the worst! It was the last week of school (with all the hecticness that comes along with that), Bryce graduated from his "talking school," Kristen got her cast off...

I felt the real sense of urgency that I needed to see my father. I have no real relationship with this man. The last time I saw him was four years ago. We talk maybe once a year and I send him cards at Father's Day and Christmas. But at the end of the day, no matter what he has done with his life, he is still my dad and I love him.

I have known my dad was failing in health for a while now. He has had several other mini strokes over the last couple of years. Paul and I have planned financially for just this sort of thing. So we searched for the best flights that we could get and tried to flip our schedules around to go to Illinois for a couple of days.

Both my aunt and my sister had told me dad looked bad. In addition to the stroke, he had also had surgery the week before to remove some cancer in his mouth. They had to remove part of his tongue and the lymph nodes in his neck. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I entered Dad's room Tues. morning. He barely looked like the dad I remember. I will spare the details of the physical issues, but the next biggest thing that shocked me was the lack of life in him. I remember dad's hair always being very shiny and his eyes clear. The man that lay before me was dull, and at first glance I thought dad had cataracts because his eyes seemed very cloudy.

We stayed with Dad for several hours that day. I had brought along pictures of the kids and my wedding album. He said he really didn't feel like looking at pictures. I think he may have felt bad about that because a few minutes later he told me how he has all the pictures that I send him on the wall in his living room.

I am a nurse aide by profession. I deal with stroke victims every day. We are trained to be compassionate as the person you are caring for is some one's dad, mom, sister, brother, etc. But this is different. Now it's my dad. I assisted the nurse in boosting my dad up in bed since he could not do it himself. I propped up his back with a pillow. I swabbed his mouth with water because he was so dry from not being able to take any food in through the mouth. I sat watching the neurologist testing dad's arm strength and asking him to try to lift his leg. I knew what he was testing for. I know what road lies ahead for my dad. I also know that it takes a lot of mind power to rehab yourself after a stroke. "You gotta have the want to." We don't see that in dad. He does not seem to care. But he really wants to go home! So, maybe... for now, he has been transferred to a rehab facility. We got one little laugh out of him as we were all saying goodbye. My aunt really has quite a sense of humor and she said to him, "Now, try to stay on THIS side of the grass, would ya?"!! He chuckled and said "yea, I ain't ready for that."

Paul and I visited with my mom, sister, and aunt through the evening. It was a good visit. We popped back in on Dad Wed. morning for a while before heading back on the plane. Dad looked much better, his eyes were clearer and his speech better, although he said he did not feel any better. I gave him a big card and balloons and a Bonsai plant for Father's Day. I hugged him and told him I loved him and that I pray for him. This will probably be the last time I see him...

The trip back was long and full of delays. We got back at about 2 AM Thurs. morning and jumped right back into life here. Paul was back to work bright and early, Kristen got her cast off at 8:30 AM, half day of school for Tyler, picking the other kids back up from their dad's, laundry... No time to blink!

Fri. came with more end of school stuff and a HUGE fight with the ex about stuff that the kids went through while I was gone. Again, sparing details, just a gut-wrenching heartache. We have a mediation appt. this week to try to work some stuff out.

I did entitle this post "healing tears" for a reason! Almost right after I walked into dad's room, I whispered to Paul "when I walk out of here, I am going to loose it." Those tears never really came. I cried briefly Wed. morning when Paul and I were praying together, but not much. When we got home, there was so much to do, I really did not have time to grieve. Then so much turmoil with the ex. ...And I had to work last night!!! The tears started to flow when I called Paul on one of my breaks, but I had to very quickly get it back under control and go back to work. No real time for grieving there.

So, by this morning, I was physically and emotionally spent, hence my facebook entry of "weary, oh so weary." And yet, more trouble with the ex. He never called or showed up to take the kids for his visiting time... since Paul was working today, I called Mom and asked if she could take them while I got a few hours of sleep. The volcano of tears was so close to erupting as I handed the kids over to Mom and my sis in law. They poured out so much love on me with their kindness.

As I fell into bed, I turned on my trusty "meditation" cd from "Quieting a Noisy Soul." The first line of it says, "God is good, always. That means my soul can rest because I always know that God always has my best interests in mind." That was all that was needed for the floodgates to open. For the next few minutes, I cried--hard. I do not really remember thinking about anything, just needing to release the emotion. When the well was dry, an incredible peace flowed through me and I drifted off into zzzzz land for three blissful hours.

This week was tough. We all have them! But, as I have been reminded of my favorite verse yet again, God is faithful, and will not let me be tried beyond what I can bear. For all you "pray-ers" out there, please do remember us this week. The ex and the wife are really pushing buttons and are very antagonistic. Please pray for the kids. They are the ones who are really caught in this.

A hero of the faith

Have you ever been in a worship service where something other than the preaching has a profound impact on you? I did this morning. Not to say that our Pastor's sermon was not wonderful, because it was; but for me, and some others' judging from the amount of people wiping their eyes, we had one of those moments that we will remember for a long time to come.

Our pastor wears many hats on a Sunday: Sunday School teacher, song leader, announcements, etc. Often times, to break things up a bit, Pastor will call upon a man in the congregation to say the opening prayer. Today he called upon Dave B. Dave is about the age of my parents and is one of the tallest men I have ever met. I could easily walk under his outstretched arm. Dave is a strong man of the faith, one that we have told our children to watch and model his behavior in worship. In recent weeks, Dave has been missing a lot of services due to a bad back. He is in immense pain and has even been using a cane to walk. He entered Sunday school this morning almost right at the end, and with each step he took, you could see the pain written all over his face.

The morning service opened with a rousing rendition of "And Can it Be?" Pastor, as usual called upon someone to open in prayer. He called on Mr. B. As you find yourself doing if you go to church regularly, I immediately bowed my head and waited for the prayer to start. Seconds rolled on. Just when I was starting to think maybe he hadn't heard Pastor, he began in a choked-with-emotion voice: "Lord, thank you so much for allowing us the privilege of being here today...."

I was instantly choked with tears myself, as I thought of the effort and dedication it took for him to be in that pew today. I do not really remember much of the rest of the prayer, but when the "Amen" was spoken, I looked up to see several others wiping their eyes as well. His incredibly sincere love and desire to be in God's house was so evident through the tone of his prayer. What a great reminder to all of us who can so methodically get up on a Sunday morning and just get ready for church. May we never take for granted the privilege of worshiping in God's house.

Three weeks in the life of the LaRue/ LaFlammes

... Evening before Mother's Day... Had a blast at LaFlamme family Mother's Day cookout. Got stormed on big time- hail and all!! But such love and warmth from so many!

... Mother's Day morning... Papa somehow managed to keep all kids quite until a 7:30 wake up: all five kiddos surrounded my bed and screamed "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" to wake me up. I got scarred out of my skin, but it was so precious. Each kid had a little something for me and then Paul wrapped it up with a beautiful flower bouquet in a Yankee Candle. He even made pancakes for everyone.

...Tyler sneaks a frog onto the bus to bring home from school. "Hoppy" became the main attraction for the next two days. Mom drew the line at allowing it into the house, but the kids set up a whole little "habitat" for it on the porch. Oh, how the tears flowed from poor Tyler when he awoke Sun. morning to find Hoppy belly up in his water. Paul took him out back and dug a hole under a tree where Ty lovingly buried him.

... Judson walks around the house for days saying "Hoppy dead. Hoppy dead." Tyler tears up just about every time.

... Judson gets his elbow dislocated while playing with kids at church. Trip to the ER. Three x-rays taken. I am told this is a very common injury amongst two-year-olds. We were shown how to pop it back in if it happens again-- really? Do you think this mom could just pop her own son's arm back into place?!!!

...I visit the dr. again. The swollen lymph node in my armpit has not gone away. (Relating back to my sickness of Jan. and Feb.) I have been referred to a surgeon for a biopsy. My consult is this week, but it sounds scarier than it is. Still no evidence to support cancer, they just need to find out why it is still inflamed. I will admit the prospects of a biopsy are not that inviting for me. Yea, a bit scary.

... Same night... Kristen falls off a playhouse while playing with kids at church. Arm still hurts the next morning, so off we go to the ER again. Three x-rays later, "yep, you broke your arm, Hunny." Mom learned a big lesson that day: the old saying "it's not broken as long as you can still move it" only works for fingers (as the nurse so politely informed me)!!

... The ex and I have a big fight about recent injuries.... that's all that needs to be said...

... we went to court with Paul's ex... many things discussed... a GAL (guardian at lit em) assigned... we are holding fast to God's promises and that "...the truth will set you free." Please pray with us over the next couple of months as things are being brought out, and that the blatant lies told will be all uncovered.

... We rejoice that God has provided so abundantly for our needs.

... Since my kids spent the night at their dad's and Paul had to return Gage to his mom at 7AM, we had five blissful hours the morning of Memorial Day to ourselves.... I'll just leave that one alone! We had a late breakfast and then got to work planting our garden...

... went with the kids on a field trip to a planetarium... great fun!!! Bryce later told people he had so much fun on the field trip to the "tiny-tarium"!!!!!

Seems there is never a dull moment with us... hopefully there will be no more serious injuries. We have a full summer ahead with two camping trips, VBS, Kristen in gymnastics, and whatever else we can find to do!