Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The ups and downs

Yes, everyone, I do still exist!!!!!!!!! My days are so full, I barely have time to breathe! It does seem that my days will calm a bit now, but who can tell with four little ones!! There seems to be an endless line of home work, school related things or ear aches-- baby Judson has followed his siblings and got his first ear infection already :( I do miss blogging, and I do keep up with all of you. I may do two weeks worth at one setting but.... I do take time for my one true relaxing thing - Net Flix. Hey, Ann- Marie- we are watching the same stuff right now!! I am on Season two of Dr Quinn!

Please bare with me yet again as I work out my thoughts. Things have been very quiet on the ex front for several weeks. He was nice. Almost too nice, so I really did not know what to expect. Then it all came back again this weekend. The old jerk reappeared. The difference being that I called him on it. Of course, that made him even more mad, so we have had a pretty rough few days here. Peace finally reigned today. He called to apologize for being such a jerk. Then we got to talking about why he did not even try to get help. He told me we were too "broken" for too long that it wouldn't do any good. I really pushed him on this. What was broken? I thought we had it pretty good. What was so bad that it wasn't even worth fighting for? He finally asked me what I thought it was. I told him my suspicion has always been that this is not about me but a rejection of God. I am a Godly Christian woman who wants a Christian home. He no longer does. He replied quietly, "you're absolutely right." "People change" he told me, and this kind of life is just not for him. He wants to be free to do whatever he feels like doing.

So, while having this acknowledgement brings a measure of closure to things, it also hits me fully between the eyes that-- I lost my marriage because I love God. I often have sought comfort in the story of Job, now more than ever. "Have you considered my servant Job?" But the great comfort is that because Job remained faithful through all his trials, he was blessed far more than he was even before. This is my test of my faith. Will I pass? Will I hold fast and pass on my faith to my children? I must try!!

6 comments:

Ann-Marie said...

Hey, we just got the second disc of Dr. Quinn Season 3! The great "Colleen" switch is about to happen. Originally, I stopped watching it after the Colleen switch, so these will be all new episodes for me! Looking back, doesn't it look like "Sully" has a spray-on tan?

I will keep praying for "the ex" that the Lord will do a work in his heart. And I'll pray for strength for you, as well.

I think of you often!

Juliet said...

It's alway's important to just be faithful to the Lord. May God grant you the strength and courage to be that so your children can see that and follow Him also.

mitchells2000 said...

I think that loving God is probably the most God-honoring excuse I've ever heard! (That isn't really worded correctly, but I'm not sure how else to put it!) It does say a great deal about your testimony, though... I mean, how many people stay married, even though one of them is running from God, because the other spouse is not living a life Godly enough to convict them? I would take that as a huge compliment, even though I'm sure that the whole thing is very discouraging.

Jennittia said...

Ann-Marie: Now, that you mention it, Sully does seem really fake looking. I thing he was cuter back then too!

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words and prayers. While it is discouraging to a certain degree, it is also very freeing. I can not imagine giving up my walk with the Lord for "happiness" with someone here on this ol' earth. As the song so beautifully puts it "I'd rather have Jesus..."

KJ said...

hey! i'm glad you ran across my blog. maybe we can be of encouragement to each other. God brings people into our lives at the times we need them...i truly believe that. thanks for letting me know how God has brought you encouragement through my story! praying for you, jennittia.

G-Knee said...

J - This is Jeannie Wetzel. I don't know if you know me or not from MBBC...but I just wanted to encourage you with prayer. Our God is sovereign and LOVES YOU with an everlasting love. I will pray for you and your children.

II Cor 1:3-7