Monday, February 2, 2009

Christmas curve ball.... and more curve balls.... and It is well with my soul!

This post has been forming in my mind for months now! I must give credit where it is due- the "Christmas curve ball" title is stolen from a radio program title I heard around Christmas! But yesterday as I was reading two blogs of dear friends going through intense struggles, I knew it was time to share my own. And then the words just started flowing in my mind as I listened last night to a musical concert at our church to dedicate our new baby grand piano that was just given to us. Our pastor's sister in law has a degree in music ped.... whatever that big word is... she is a FABULOUS piano player! She pounded out songs such as "Joshua fit de battle" and "And can it be." But she ended the night with the most beautiful rendition of "It is well" that I have ever heard. I was choking back the tears and I had my title for this blog!

I have been married for three and a half months now and all would be pure bliss if we could just live on a desert island and have no contact with the outside world!!! Ok, that may be a bit extreme! But let me start back at last fall. I will keep things very broad as to not slander a certain ex husband, but my child support income began to slowly fade away last Sept. By the end of Nov. when we ended up in court, he was behind $2,000. He changed his jobs last year significantly and the court awarded him a reduction in the monthly amount he pays by $1,100. The arrearage was ordered to be paid back at $100 per month. I was sinking financially very fast and hard. God's timing is so wonderful, because Paul's income helped a lot. But not enough to keep us out of serious trouble. We did the proverbial "robbing Peter to pay Paul" thing for the fall months, but by Dec. we knew we were not going to be able to maintain things as they are. I was awarded the house in my divorce, but it also came with a huge mortgage. I never had a problem paying it before because the child support covered it. Now, the housing market has crashed, our income has crashed, and we are in the forclosure process. But.... it is well with my soul.... now.

In the beginning, I did not know all my options, and I thought we would be moving by Feb. I struggled... hard. I love stability. I do not want to have the kids moving all the time. I also love my home. I have painted and decorated every square in of it and made it mine. The kids have a huge yard to play in. I planted my first garden last year and want to expand it this year. When Paul moved in, we redid the master bedroom and made it ours. I cried... so much. And then I soul searched and found that all these years I have misplaced my security by putting it in my house instead of in the Lord first and formost, and with those who live with me. I finally surrendered my will to His and gave this house back to my Lord. I wish that I could say that some big miracle happened and the forclosure has gone away. It hasn't yet. But so many small miracles have happened...

It is not a done deal that we will have to move. Because the markets have crashed so bad, the house is worth about 30,000 less than I owe. Thus, the bank really does not want to forclose because they will loose a lot. So I am waiting to hear if they can redo the terms, whatever that will mean! So we wait.

Paul also started a new job with higher pay. In an economy where people are getting laid off just about every day, we had a job practically laid in Paul's lap. He now works at the same nursing home that I do and is the food service director. He enjoys it very much and feels like he can finally fully spread his wings and fly, professionally speaking.

I mentioned more curve balls. I had not been feeling well for a good chunk of Dec. Not keep me in bed all day sick, just not quite right. Then I noticed a lump in my armpit. I really freaked out and went right in to the dr. He checked me over and told me he wanted to run some blood tests. It was probably nothing, but it could be leukemia. The next day and a half was tourteruos. After all that I have been through, now I might have cancer, too?!!!! Again, I cried and cried. Paul comforted me as best as he could, but all I could think of was that I was going to die and leave him and the kids alone! Oh, how our minds do run wild! But again, through prayer, I surrendered my sickness to whatever the Lord will have for me.

I can "happily" report I am cancer free, but I do have mono. I was given a work note lasting through at least the end of Feb. While it has been wonderful to not have to work, I still have five children and a home to run. Paul has been amazing for me. He has done so much to help and lovingly chides me when I try to do too much. If you know anything about mono, the biggest obsticle is fatigue. I sleep so much, and if I do not sleep, then I get very weak. I also have these peircing headaches. They do seem to be getting better, though.

I do need to begin to wrap this up!!! God is blessing us in so many ways. Things with my ex are very smooth right now. He has a new girl friend that actually seems to be good for him. He is more agreeable lately and he has agreed to pay the arrearage child support in a lump sum with his taxes. The kids are doing well. They have bonded great with Paul. Bonding with Paul's son has been a bit tougher as he is not with us all the time. But is getting better.

My heart aches for my dear friends in Rockford right now. May you draw strength from our wonderful Savior. I have been through so much, and yet there is so much more sorrow all around me.

I want to close with a paraphrase from my friend Tina's blog. The morning that I was getting my test results back, I looked at her blog and found her entry for the day. It was entitled something like "thanking God for the fleas." It told the story of how Corrie Ten Boom and her sister were reading the Bible while in that horrible concentration camp. The read "in everything give thanks." Corrie's sister said that it meant they should be thankful even for the fleas. As the story later revealed, it was because the room had fleas so badly, that the guards never came in and they were able to hold open Bible studies there.

Yes, I must thank God for my "fleas" and know that the "testing of my faith brings patience."


Tina said...

Thanks for the update. I have been checking in off and on to see how you were adjusting. Wow, such hard lessons you are learning, but praise God, you are learning. It is encouraging to sense your tender heart. You have so many grace gifts around you.

I will pray for strength, wisdom and encouragement in the weeks ahead.

Heidi said...

There are so many people that I know going through tough times. I will add you to my prayer list (that I have to be more faithful about) that keeps getting longer and longer.
That flea thing comes back to memory because our church just hosted the play "The Hiding Place" a few months back and it was a good reminder that we need to be thankful not only for the good times but also for the bad. That is very hard to do.

Juliet said...

Thanks for sharing your trials.

I had a roommate when I was at Moody that got mono. She had to get a lot of rest too. Trust you will get physical better.

Ann-Marie said...

I have always loved that portion of the Hiding Place! Girl, you know I am right there with you - it's like we are living parallel lives...except you've got five kids!!! Praying for you - and thanks for all the encouragement.