Just thought I would send along some recent pics of the most handsome baby around! The top one does not show much of the outfit but-- GO RED SOX! The bottom one is Judson enjoying his first teething biscuit.
Friday, October 19, 2007
BOYS!!
Yesterday afternoon I had one of those mom moments that will make any girly girl like myself squirm. I had been yakking on the phone with my sister, when I realized it was 3:15. That is the exact time I have to be pulling out of the driveway to go to the bus stop or I will be late!! I quickly hung up with the sis, plopped the baby in his car seat, and hollered for the boys to load up in the van- QUICK! Tyler comes sauntering over from the yard and hold his hands out for me, "but mom, what do I do with Stickers?" "Stickers" proved to be a wriggling, slimy lizard of some sort. I screamed and jumped back- Ty just laughed. We quickly found a container for him to carry his new pet in, for he HAD to take it to the bus stop to show all the older kids! Of course, we did end up being a few minutes late, but Kristen quickly forgot that upon seeing our new "pet."
I must say, once I could look at "Stickers" from the safety of a Gladware container, it was very fascinating! It looked just like the gecko on TV only brown and very skinny and only about three inches long. Anybody got any ideas what it was? Oh, yea, it must have been very delicate as well, because it only survived the afternoon. So, my all boy of a son had a dead lizard in a baggie for show-n-tell today!
I must say, once I could look at "Stickers" from the safety of a Gladware container, it was very fascinating! It looked just like the gecko on TV only brown and very skinny and only about three inches long. Anybody got any ideas what it was? Oh, yea, it must have been very delicate as well, because it only survived the afternoon. So, my all boy of a son had a dead lizard in a baggie for show-n-tell today!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
update
Just thought I would post a bit of an update to last week. He went to church Sun. morning, but blew off Sun. night (there was a big Patriots game on) with the lame excuse that his back hurt. He continues not follow some of the basic instructions that Pastor has given him. Pastor counsels me to be "business as usual." Then last night my sister in law called. She is the baby of the family and has always had a close relationship with Rodney. She begged me NOT to take him back. She would not give me details because she said they would hurt me too much, but not to believe anything that he says because he is not being honest with me. I praise God for people who are so blunt and honest with me and are not just saying to take him back no matter what. My little ones and myself really are better off on our own than to be daily barraged with an ungodly influence such as that. Continue to pray!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
April 9th revisited
Oh, it seems the only blogging I do is when something is heavy on my heart! Maybe I will join was it Ann-Marie or Tancy?- with some resolutions before the new year hits! I promise I will try to blog more about life in general here is this busy household!
But on to what is heavy on my heart. On Apr. 9 my world was turned upside down with my then husband's admission of multiple affairs and leaving. This Sunday, almost six months to the day, he flipped it upside down again. I arrived at my in-laws house just like I do every Sunday after church. They watch the kids for me while I get a few hours of sleep before heading to work again. I was especially tired this week and couldn't wait to hand the baby over to mom and crawl into bed. No such luck. Rodney was there and he wanted to talk to me. We went upstairs to the family room and he proceeded to burst into tears and tell me what a mess he had made of things! He hoped I could find it in my heart to forgive him but understood if I could not. He told me he had moved back home with his parents and wanted to get his life back on track.
I am sure most of you are jumping out of your skin for joy right about now. Please sit back down and just say a quick prayer for him- and me. While he is full of regret for the things he has done, he is showing very little signs of repentance. He met with our pastor on Mon. Pastor has told me he was very "mechanical" in his responses. Rodney knows all the right things to say. However, it took much prodding for him to get out that he has sinned. He keeps saying he has messed up. He also will not answer any questions about why the sudden break-up with his girlfriend. Just a week ago, he was telling me that he would not do "the God thing" ever again. When questioned about what changed so quickly, he just says it is a lot of little things.
On to my feelings. I had closed the book on us. I had come to the conclusion that this part of my life was over. I was looking forward to the Lord eventually bringing someone new into my life. How on earth do I ever trust this man again?!!! Not to mention that the thought of even kissing him completely repulses me. I can not even imagine taking him back. This is not to say that I have not forgiven his sin. The anger is gone, but the hurt is still very fresh, and to open myself back up for that...
Not to worry, though. I have been counseling extensively with my pastor this week, and he has given me much freedom. First, he has told me I have NO decisions to make at this time. There will be no marriage counseling because there is no marriage. Rodney is just like any other "fish in the sea." He has to prove that he is worthy of my possible affection. This will take a min. of a year for our pastor. He has counseled Rodney to attend a different church in our area (one of like faith and practice) and he will have great accountability there. Next, I am under no biblical obligation to ever take him back. He divorced me. He gave up the right to be with me then. I must forgive him, but forgiveness does not always have to mean restitution. Now, it may be in the best interests of the kids, but only if he becomes the Godly man that he should be. Why would I take back a man that will just revert back to his old ways a year from now?!
The final thing to consider is that because we are divorced, it would be sin to allow him back into the home without being married. WOW! That had not really entered my mind. So, all of this to say that while he has made some baby steps toward wanting to reconcile, it seems it is just because his little world crashed down on him-- did I mention he is also having to file bankruptcy?!!-- it will be at a min. of 18 months before we, if ever, are remarried.
I told him that with God all things are possible. I do believe this with all my heart. I ask you to lift me up for this. I have no trust or desire whatsoever in this man. It will take a huge act of God's moving for me to love him again.
But on to what is heavy on my heart. On Apr. 9 my world was turned upside down with my then husband's admission of multiple affairs and leaving. This Sunday, almost six months to the day, he flipped it upside down again. I arrived at my in-laws house just like I do every Sunday after church. They watch the kids for me while I get a few hours of sleep before heading to work again. I was especially tired this week and couldn't wait to hand the baby over to mom and crawl into bed. No such luck. Rodney was there and he wanted to talk to me. We went upstairs to the family room and he proceeded to burst into tears and tell me what a mess he had made of things! He hoped I could find it in my heart to forgive him but understood if I could not. He told me he had moved back home with his parents and wanted to get his life back on track.
I am sure most of you are jumping out of your skin for joy right about now. Please sit back down and just say a quick prayer for him- and me. While he is full of regret for the things he has done, he is showing very little signs of repentance. He met with our pastor on Mon. Pastor has told me he was very "mechanical" in his responses. Rodney knows all the right things to say. However, it took much prodding for him to get out that he has sinned. He keeps saying he has messed up. He also will not answer any questions about why the sudden break-up with his girlfriend. Just a week ago, he was telling me that he would not do "the God thing" ever again. When questioned about what changed so quickly, he just says it is a lot of little things.
On to my feelings. I had closed the book on us. I had come to the conclusion that this part of my life was over. I was looking forward to the Lord eventually bringing someone new into my life. How on earth do I ever trust this man again?!!! Not to mention that the thought of even kissing him completely repulses me. I can not even imagine taking him back. This is not to say that I have not forgiven his sin. The anger is gone, but the hurt is still very fresh, and to open myself back up for that...
Not to worry, though. I have been counseling extensively with my pastor this week, and he has given me much freedom. First, he has told me I have NO decisions to make at this time. There will be no marriage counseling because there is no marriage. Rodney is just like any other "fish in the sea." He has to prove that he is worthy of my possible affection. This will take a min. of a year for our pastor. He has counseled Rodney to attend a different church in our area (one of like faith and practice) and he will have great accountability there. Next, I am under no biblical obligation to ever take him back. He divorced me. He gave up the right to be with me then. I must forgive him, but forgiveness does not always have to mean restitution. Now, it may be in the best interests of the kids, but only if he becomes the Godly man that he should be. Why would I take back a man that will just revert back to his old ways a year from now?!
The final thing to consider is that because we are divorced, it would be sin to allow him back into the home without being married. WOW! That had not really entered my mind. So, all of this to say that while he has made some baby steps toward wanting to reconcile, it seems it is just because his little world crashed down on him-- did I mention he is also having to file bankruptcy?!!-- it will be at a min. of 18 months before we, if ever, are remarried.
I told him that with God all things are possible. I do believe this with all my heart. I ask you to lift me up for this. I have no trust or desire whatsoever in this man. It will take a huge act of God's moving for me to love him again.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The ups and downs
Yes, everyone, I do still exist!!!!!!!!! My days are so full, I barely have time to breathe! It does seem that my days will calm a bit now, but who can tell with four little ones!! There seems to be an endless line of home work, school related things or ear aches-- baby Judson has followed his siblings and got his first ear infection already :( I do miss blogging, and I do keep up with all of you. I may do two weeks worth at one setting but.... I do take time for my one true relaxing thing - Net Flix. Hey, Ann- Marie- we are watching the same stuff right now!! I am on Season two of Dr Quinn!
Please bare with me yet again as I work out my thoughts. Things have been very quiet on the ex front for several weeks. He was nice. Almost too nice, so I really did not know what to expect. Then it all came back again this weekend. The old jerk reappeared. The difference being that I called him on it. Of course, that made him even more mad, so we have had a pretty rough few days here. Peace finally reigned today. He called to apologize for being such a jerk. Then we got to talking about why he did not even try to get help. He told me we were too "broken" for too long that it wouldn't do any good. I really pushed him on this. What was broken? I thought we had it pretty good. What was so bad that it wasn't even worth fighting for? He finally asked me what I thought it was. I told him my suspicion has always been that this is not about me but a rejection of God. I am a Godly Christian woman who wants a Christian home. He no longer does. He replied quietly, "you're absolutely right." "People change" he told me, and this kind of life is just not for him. He wants to be free to do whatever he feels like doing.
So, while having this acknowledgement brings a measure of closure to things, it also hits me fully between the eyes that-- I lost my marriage because I love God. I often have sought comfort in the story of Job, now more than ever. "Have you considered my servant Job?" But the great comfort is that because Job remained faithful through all his trials, he was blessed far more than he was even before. This is my test of my faith. Will I pass? Will I hold fast and pass on my faith to my children? I must try!!
Please bare with me yet again as I work out my thoughts. Things have been very quiet on the ex front for several weeks. He was nice. Almost too nice, so I really did not know what to expect. Then it all came back again this weekend. The old jerk reappeared. The difference being that I called him on it. Of course, that made him even more mad, so we have had a pretty rough few days here. Peace finally reigned today. He called to apologize for being such a jerk. Then we got to talking about why he did not even try to get help. He told me we were too "broken" for too long that it wouldn't do any good. I really pushed him on this. What was broken? I thought we had it pretty good. What was so bad that it wasn't even worth fighting for? He finally asked me what I thought it was. I told him my suspicion has always been that this is not about me but a rejection of God. I am a Godly Christian woman who wants a Christian home. He no longer does. He replied quietly, "you're absolutely right." "People change" he told me, and this kind of life is just not for him. He wants to be free to do whatever he feels like doing.
So, while having this acknowledgement brings a measure of closure to things, it also hits me fully between the eyes that-- I lost my marriage because I love God. I often have sought comfort in the story of Job, now more than ever. "Have you considered my servant Job?" But the great comfort is that because Job remained faithful through all his trials, he was blessed far more than he was even before. This is my test of my faith. Will I pass? Will I hold fast and pass on my faith to my children? I must try!!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Do you need a comb?
With my previous post being so deep and all, I thought I would give you a bit of nursing home humor. This past Sun. AM, I was helping a very sweet little woman get dressed. She is the picture of old-fashioned manners and is very proper. She barely talks above a whisper. As I was lotioning her back, she looked at me through the mirror and said, "honey, would you like a comb?" I looked up at my reflection and saw my curls were becoming a bit frizzy but it wasn't too bad considering I had been working for almost 12 hours. I laughed it off and made a joke about my natural curls having a mind of their own. A few minutes later, my nurse called me to come back to this lady's room. "June has something for you," she said with a huge smile. I look down the hall to see June standing in her door holding a comb out for me!! She really did want me to comb my hair!! So, I headed back into her room and wet my hair a bit with some water (I just couldn't bring myself to really use her comb)!!
Can I really be thankful for THIS?!!
Part of the "stabilizing truths for the soul" is that "God is good- all the time. He always has my best interests in mind." That sounds so nice and fuzzy. The Bible tells us to be thankful in all things and to rejoice always. Over the last five months I have given praise many times for God's provision, His comfort, etc. during this extreme trial of my life.
But this week God has brought me to new depths of understanding. It began with my Pastor's message Sun. morning. Pastor is amazing this way. He gets up to begin preaching, pauses and then says, "I planned to preach something very different, but I believe God would have this for someone." He then preached on the verses about "casting all your cares on Him" and "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known." Oh, I could give the whole thing back to you!! But the main thing that hit me between the eyes is the second verse. He made the statement that "the everything covers the nothing." We can be anxious about nothing if we are taking everything to Him in prayer!
And then that little part about being thankful. This has been much of my meditating over the last few days. Can I really thank God for my husband leaving us? Can I be thankful for this other woman? YES! Without this trial I would not need my Savior so much. Without this trial, I would not be developing this quiet confidence that everyone keeps saying they are seeing in me. I have no idea how God will use me to help others in the future. Do I pray that it will end? Yes, but I now am not just praying for deliverance from this trail, but for the endurance to keep pressing on until His will is completed.
But this week God has brought me to new depths of understanding. It began with my Pastor's message Sun. morning. Pastor is amazing this way. He gets up to begin preaching, pauses and then says, "I planned to preach something very different, but I believe God would have this for someone." He then preached on the verses about "casting all your cares on Him" and "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known." Oh, I could give the whole thing back to you!! But the main thing that hit me between the eyes is the second verse. He made the statement that "the everything covers the nothing." We can be anxious about nothing if we are taking everything to Him in prayer!
And then that little part about being thankful. This has been much of my meditating over the last few days. Can I really thank God for my husband leaving us? Can I be thankful for this other woman? YES! Without this trial I would not need my Savior so much. Without this trial, I would not be developing this quiet confidence that everyone keeps saying they are seeing in me. I have no idea how God will use me to help others in the future. Do I pray that it will end? Yes, but I now am not just praying for deliverance from this trail, but for the endurance to keep pressing on until His will is completed.
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