WOW! Bear with me as I use this blog to process in my mind all that has just happened today. It began this afternoon when my daughter out of the blue tells me that Miss____ (the girlfriend) fed our baby food and he liked it so it is ok that I feed him food. My heart jumped to my throat but I just smiled and said "thank you, sweetie." I then went into the other room and lost it completely. My baby is three and a half months old. All of you up on today's teachings about solid foods will know there are certain cues to watch for to know that your baby is ready to have solid foods. This usually comes at 4-6 months. I had the whole spectrum of feelings. I was sooooo hurt (and, yup, angry) and felt as if something so special was stolen from me. I am his mom- feedings are up to me!!!! I had written up a note for them giving an outline as to his schedule. If I wanted him to have cereal, then I would have sent some and written it down!!!! As it turned out, the hubby called about 20 min. after I learned this information, and did he get an earful! He tried to cover for her and say it was all his doing. What kind of planet does he think I am from? This man has no clue about feeding babies. This has always been my domain. I told him I was not sure if I was going to allow him to take the baby anymore. I called a lawyer this afternoon and found that I really do not have much right to do this. I could fight it out in the courts if I really wanted to, but it really is a minor thing given that he is so close to the right age. The lawyer did advise that there be some discussion about boundaries. DUH!! Try to work it out between the two of you- it only hurts the kids to fight everything out. So, we talked again. He promised to do better. We'll see.
But as the night wore on, it occurred to me that I really needed to talk to her. I needed to tell her what my feeding plans are. I needed her to fully get the fact that I am the mom and she does not get to make those kind of choices for my kids. Her kids are much older than mine. She is going on what she did with her kids. So, I mustered the nerve and called her. She was not home at the time, but a short time later I got a knock at the door. My heart stopped. I was now face to face with the woman who took my husband.
We ended up talking for about two hours. She is not some mean horrible ogar. She is attractive and small stature just like me. She says she is a good person who usually is the one everyone comes to for advice. She told me how sorry she was for all of this- that she didn't mean to fall in love with my husband. I looked dead into her face and told her when she gave my baby food for the first time, she stole something that was so precious to me. I am his mother- not her. I was able to stare her straight in the eyes and ask her how she sleeps at night knowing the destruction she has helped cause four little kids and one woman. Her answer was that they are young and they will get over it, and I am a strong person and am young and pretty and will find love again. My heart filled with such pity (for lack of a better word) at that. The unsaved have to come up with something to numb the conscience. I looked at her and told her how I was the kid of divorced parents and I did not get over it. There are still issues that I battle today because of my parents' divorce. I asked her how she thought her relationship will last when he was so willing to lie so much to me and continues to do so even today. She says she hopes it will be different because he is now free to be himself. I told her of the many things he did to me in the first two weeks of us splitting up and how he smashed the affairs in my face over and over again. She seemed genuinely surprised and said she did not know he had done these things.
So, she apologized for the food incident and a couple of other things that have happened while the kids have been with them. She promises to uphold my standards and whatever I wish for feedings. I told her that's nice, now prove it. She asked about allergies and insurance info. We talked of the kids' heath history. I feel a bit like the Julia Roberts' movie Stepmom. It is very weird to be telling another woman all that stuff, but if she is going to be with my kids every other weekend, she should know that stuff, I guess.
I think I can say, I am glad that this happened tonight. I do wish I did not have a face to put on her. However, there is a certain amount of closure to the affair thing to be able to look her in the eye and ask those burning questions. To see her fumble for words to justify her actions.
Now, I must find a way to pray for this woman. She has some deep anger toward God. We talked of how today's society plays the blame game- nothing is ever one's own fault. She says her blame is on God for all the bad things that happened to her through the years. She is a part of my kids' lives, and that scares me to pieces. How I must surround them with God's love and power if they are to survive this!!