It seems like it has been ages since I have written. My life is soooooo full! My mom, sister, and aunt came to visit last week. Generally, it was a good visit, but I do remember the reasons why I chose to leave all of them a thousand miles away!! My family truly is the poster family for dysfunction. But I love them, and we really had a great time. I took them to the ocean and to the mountains. They spoiled my kids rotten. We really enjoyed each other.
I have so many things heavy on my mind. It will take me weeks to get them all out. But as I was just reading through a friend's blog on prayer, I knew what I needed to write about tonight. The two biggest things are that my husband is engaged and my divorce will be finalized one week from now.
Yes, I did say "my husband is engaged"!! It happened several weeks ago. When I commented about how fast it was, his response was "well, it isn't all that fast for us." Oh, that's right. They were sleeping together for the better half of last year!! Even in the eyes of the unsaved women that I work with, he is a scumbag. He can't even wait until we are actually divorced?!!
The other thing is that my divorce will be finalized on July 18 at 9 AM. Please pray for me on this day. I have no idea what my emotional state will be on that day. I do not want to cry in the courtroom, but I probably will. My pastor and his wife and a dear friend will be with me for support. It is pretty cut and dry as Rodney and I have sat down with all the paperwork and mutually worked out all the details of money, visitation schedules, etc. If only the girlfriend would quit shoving herself at me this could go along peaceable!
But I mentioned the friend's blog on prayer. I too, have been getting big lessons in how to use this powerful tool. I have no other recourse but to take my heartaches to the Lord. For all the horrible injustices that are being poured out on me right now, God has a plan for them!! He is molding me into what he wants me to be. I love a song by Larnelle Harris that is on our radio station here: "if not for the storm, I couldn't call you my Shelter. If not for the storm, I wouldn't know you the way I do. If not for the storm, I wouldn't need a Savior." And then an amazing thing takes place. Hope blooms. A smile replaces the tears. The "peace that passes all understanding" comes to be. God's love is shining through me and I have no idea how! People tell me that I am glowing. That I am smiling. I can't explain how!
I wish I could tell you he has fallen before God and repented if his sin. I can't. He is just the opposite. But I have hope. Hope that God will either break this man's hard spirit or send me someone else. I do not have to be alone and my children fatherless just because my husband chose to throw away his Christianity and desert his family.
Psalm 26:1 has been a huge encouragement to me. "Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have lived a blameless life..." This verse sustains me when I want in my flesh to lash out in anger against him. Also, "revenge belongs to the Lord." How great our God is to give us so many words of wisdom- all in one book!
6 comments:
Everytime I think of your situation I go through a wave of emotion about and for you! I think you are such an amazing woman. You have always had a quiet strength about you.
You have been an incredible encouragement to me. You testimony stays true.
I will praying for you. Really - and not the magic fix it kind :)
oh... and I agree with your coworkers. I can't believe his behavior.
tears, that is what you brought me to!
I am praying that the Lord puts His loving arms around you and that you feel that family is what you make it.. I know your church and friends are making you feel that truth.
R needs a good spanking and I hope that the Lord really works in his life and makes him realize that he needs to get right and not just for your sake but for his own.. even if you guys don't get back together.
I know the Lord is going to bring you peace
Reading your post. Well. I just don’t know what to say. I know what I should say. What everyone else is saying is true. Your Christian witness and testimony are shining like lighthouse beacons while the dark waves crash around you.
BUT the part of me that is your long time friend, who watched you weather storm after storm growing up, and has admired you for so long…that part wants to track him down and smack the crap out of him for hurting you. I know that’s not a godly spirit. But, I’m your friend, and I just want to protect and defend you in whatever way possible.
You continue to amaze and inspire me as you are (even now) weathering more storms! So, I won’t yell at anyone. I’ll just keep praying for you! I promise!
He’s lucky I’m a Christian! Otherwise…
Jennittia - I can't even imagine the heartache that you must be facing. I don't know what to say... sometimes (I know this from experiences of a different type) when you are struggling, you hear all the words, phrases, and cliches. They are all TRUE, but it doesn't change all the hurt inside. So - I will leave those things unsaid.
What I will say, though, is that I will be praying for you. Your testimony, like others have said, has been truly amazing, and I know that it is God working through you. I will be also praying for your kiddos, as I'm sure they are struggling in different ways.
I love you, and if you want to talk, you can call anytime.
I will kind of echo what everyone else has said. We will be praying for you, especially on the 18th.
Your testimony is amazing and God is working wonders in your life. I thank Him for that.
It is amazing that even the unsaved know what is true and vice versa.
Call if you need to.
Dearest Child
When I lost my wonderful husband after 32 years, I read many books of people who had lost loved ones. The books said that the pain we feel is the same pain people have as a result of divorce...only worse. That's the reality of this side of heaven.
Good news is that we cry out to out "Abba Father" for daily help.
We always walk by FAITH.
My heart and prayers go out to you and your little ones.
Love, Juliet (Ann-Marie's MOM)
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