It seems like it has been ages since I have written. My life is soooooo full! My mom, sister, and aunt came to visit last week. Generally, it was a good visit, but I do remember the reasons why I chose to leave all of them a thousand miles away!! My family truly is the poster family for dysfunction. But I love them, and we really had a great time. I took them to the ocean and to the mountains. They spoiled my kids rotten. We really enjoyed each other.
I have so many things heavy on my mind. It will take me weeks to get them all out. But as I was just reading through a friend's blog on prayer, I knew what I needed to write about tonight. The two biggest things are that my husband is engaged and my divorce will be finalized one week from now.
Yes, I did say "my husband is engaged"!! It happened several weeks ago. When I commented about how fast it was, his response was "well, it isn't all that fast for us." Oh, that's right. They were sleeping together for the better half of last year!! Even in the eyes of the unsaved women that I work with, he is a scumbag. He can't even wait until we are actually divorced?!!
The other thing is that my divorce will be finalized on July 18 at 9 AM. Please pray for me on this day. I have no idea what my emotional state will be on that day. I do not want to cry in the courtroom, but I probably will. My pastor and his wife and a dear friend will be with me for support. It is pretty cut and dry as Rodney and I have sat down with all the paperwork and mutually worked out all the details of money, visitation schedules, etc. If only the girlfriend would quit shoving herself at me this could go along peaceable!
But I mentioned the friend's blog on prayer. I too, have been getting big lessons in how to use this powerful tool. I have no other recourse but to take my heartaches to the Lord. For all the horrible injustices that are being poured out on me right now, God has a plan for them!! He is molding me into what he wants me to be. I love a song by Larnelle Harris that is on our radio station here: "if not for the storm, I couldn't call you my Shelter. If not for the storm, I wouldn't know you the way I do. If not for the storm, I wouldn't need a Savior." And then an amazing thing takes place. Hope blooms. A smile replaces the tears. The "peace that passes all understanding" comes to be. God's love is shining through me and I have no idea how! People tell me that I am glowing. That I am smiling. I can't explain how!
I wish I could tell you he has fallen before God and repented if his sin. I can't. He is just the opposite. But I have hope. Hope that God will either break this man's hard spirit or send me someone else. I do not have to be alone and my children fatherless just because my husband chose to throw away his Christianity and desert his family.
Psalm 26:1 has been a huge encouragement to me. "Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have lived a blameless life..." This verse sustains me when I want in my flesh to lash out in anger against him. Also, "revenge belongs to the Lord." How great our God is to give us so many words of wisdom- all in one book!