Today should have been my ninth wedding anniversary. What a beautiful day that was. Just about everything went perfectly, and the little things that didn't were just funny. I have carefully planned out today. But as I woke up today, I couldn't help but remember and my plans went slightly to pieces. I was going to save my tears for tonight when I have dedicated some time to spend at the alter alone with God before church, but instead they came while I was showering. I tried to choke them back telling myself that I will not let all of this destroy my spirit. But the tears still fell, so I surrendered and let the hot water and tears soothe my soul. Then I got ready for the day, put on a killer outfit, and headed out with the two youngest to pass out cookies to some people that have really helped us this year and to a sick woman in the church. We had great fun baking over the last few days, and what a blessing to turn this day into serving others. I got a blessing seeing people smile with our "thoughtfulness." And Bryce is just such a charmer, he could make even Scrooge himself cheerful!!
So, I am halfway through today and it is not so bad! I plan to go to church early tonight and let a friend feed the kids so I can have some tome to put things to rest. All these months my wedding ring has been sitting in my jewelry box on my bureau. It is time to put it away for good. I bought myself some killer earrings last week and saved the box. I plan to put my ring in it and prayerfully give it to the Lord. Just lay it on the alter for Him to heal all the hurt. Then I will put the ring in the attic with all the other wedding stuff for the kids to have someday. I know that this will not magically end everything, but today is the last big thing to get through for me.
I do not know what God has in store for me and the kids. Will I still be a single mom a year from now? Probably. It is hard to imagine there is someone out there that will want to take on all of us! But God will give me the strength to get through each day just as he has through this year. Oh, how thankful I am for all the little ways He has cared for us! Even with all the snow that just is relentless this year!!! I have three different people who are willing to plow for me!! I get mobbed with phone calls every time the snow falls making sure I am plowed out!
I will close with Scripture that the Father so lovingly placed before my eyes through another's blog.
Heb. 6:17-20 (NIV)
Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf....