Now at the bottom

Well, after passing out at work, you wouldn't think things could get much worse. But then this week happened!!! I have learned in a HUGE way that in order to care for my family, I have to first take care of myself. It took over nine months to catch up to me, but the burning the candle at both ends (and maybe in the middle too!) finally took its toll, and I crashed. At work Sun. night I noticed a sore developing on my upper leg. It began to really throb, so I put peroxide on it and covered it with ointment and a band aide. I repeated this on Mon several times, but by Tues. morning it was very obviously infected. Knowing that I work constantly with MRSA (the "super bug" highly resistive to antibiotics), I knew it was nothing to mess with. So off to the dr. I went. He cultured it, marked the infection line with a pen and sent me home with two antibiotics that he thought would work. I was to call if the infection spread more than an inch outside the lines. When I woke Wed. morning, the infection had spread all the way to my knee and I had a fever. My dr. saw me and sent me right to the hospital. The culture had not come back yet, but at the rate that the infection was spreading it had to be the MRSA. I was started on IV meds. Once I got to the hospital and allowed myself to just fully let someone care for me (and try to forget that I just dumped the kids on several people!), I realized I felt AWFUL! I spent a full day in the hospital and am doing much better now. The sore is still very nasty looking, but the infection is way down. My dr. had a very fatherly chat with me when all my labs and cultures came back. No, I did not have a MRSA infection. I have virtually no immune system. My white blood cells were through the roof and I am "dangerously anemic." He told me almost everything with my blood counts was off. I need to rest. This was also most likely the reason I passed out last week. Any little bug that comes along is going to knock me flat.

Oh, so easy to say and not so easy to do!! But God is so faithful! I had another gift of money waiting for me when I got home from the hospital, so I have taken tonight off work. The kids are with him for the weekend, so I have until Sat night to rest up. His parents also told me that they had a very long talk with him about his actions of late. I saw an abuse counselor this week and she gave me my options about a restraining order. I will think long before I take that drastic of a step, because it gets very complicated. He is not hurting me or the kids physically- just constantly harassing. But words hurt just as much as a fist sometimes.

I am only beginning to realize the depth of support I have here, though. Not only do I have my church, but my medical team and the law is on my side!! He has threatened to take the kids away. We say, "bring it on. You have an army waiting." My prayer is that he will see that I am serious and that he has no foundation to stand on when saying I am an unfit mother. Even his own family will testify to this. Every one of them has told me they will testify against him if he even tries to bring that to court.

I realize I just gave a lot of info without many details, but just pray for this situation. You can understand why the stress level is off the charts right now. He really was not this monster when we were married. He never questioned me. He left all parenting up to me. We rarely ever disagreed on childcare issues. This is not the man I used to know- it is the influence of his new life and the girlfriend.

Thank you all for the comments left- it helps sooooo much! I am still amazed at how this has touched so many people. Yes, I have learned valuable lessons this week. I need to remember myself. I get stuck on how people can be so selfish that I have swung the total opposite way and that is not good either!! I do feel like a pharmacy right now! I am taking 5 pills in the AM and 3 at night to get me back on track with the infection and get my immune system back online!

My dr. so lovingly told me that a year from now I will look back on this time and remember that it was hell but that it will probably be over. Yes, it is awful, and yet I also know that I can rest in my Lord's arms as well and know that I am loved far more than I really understand.