Friday, May 4, 2007

Who would have ever thought

Never in a million years did I ever think that I would be a divorced person. I vowed long ago that I would never allow my children to go through what I did as a child. But how do you stop it? Most people's reaction to the hubby's leaving is pure shock. Believe me, no one was more shocked than me. Looking back, I can see where he was just not as kind to me and not as caring with me and the kids. But I just blamed it on the stresses of life and work. I knew his walk with the Lord was slipping, but then we all go through dry spells. Never did I imagine that he was having an affair- and that it lasted for 6 months!! Then a new one began shortly after- right about the time I was having a baby. And then, when the little guy was just 7 weeks old, he announces to me he is unsure that he loves me anymore and that he does not want to seek help. He wants to live his life the way he wants and do whatever he wants and make a new life with his other love. I remember numbly driving that night to my pastor's house and pouring everything out to him and his wife. Sobbing on her arms wondering what I would tell the children. I have never known such paralyzing sorrow. I remember the next day getting the kids off to school, taking a shower and then just sitting at the table not knowing what to do next. I called my pastor and his gentle words nudged me back to life a bit. I have four babies to care for. What is my daily routine? Continue on. Breathe. This was a literal reminder. I would find myself feeling dizzy and realize I was holding my breath! Pastor gave me the Video and study book series "Quieting a Noisy Soul" to begin going through. What a lifeline!!

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